Come As You Are

Come As You Are

The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

Book - 2015
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An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works based on groundbreaking research and brain science that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.
Publisher: New York : Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, c2015.
Edition: First Simon and Schuster trade paperback edition.
ISBN: 9781476762104
1476762104
9781476762098
1476762090
Characteristics: xi, 400 pages ; 23 cm

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goddessbeth
Aug 04, 2015

I don't normally read self-help books, and some science/educational stuff can be a real snoozefest, so I was hesitant to check out Come As You Are, despite the fact that it was recommended to me by about a dozen woman. I'm really glad I got over myself, because this book is fantastic.

There's a lot of science referenced here, which she footnotes so you can dig even further if you want. And the science is stuff above, beyond, and more recent than what I learned in high school and college. Which is why I was constantly amazed that what I learned (in the classroom, and by living in society) was so very wrong. The crux of why is that sex has been studied and understood as a men-as-default thing, which by nature sets up the differences between the sexes as "women are broken". The truth, as the author repeats often, is that there is no default or normal, and as long as you aren't experiencing pain with sex, your sexuality is healthy and normal.

She goes into the biological aspects (how we all have the same parts, arranged in different ways), the psychological aspects (how control centers in the brain act as taskmasters and why we experience frustration, orgasm, nonconcordance, etc), the physiological aspects (how you feel about how you feel during sex, for example, being a huge detractor from enjoying the experience), the cultural aspects (contrary to social shorthand, sex is NOT a drive), etc.

She throws in anecdotes as well, which I found helpful in breaking up the science parts and giving me a context for real-life application. She also has worksheets and suggestions about addressing any of a myriad of issues, which she encounters commonly as a human sexuality educator. Occasionally, as the book goes on, her repeating of phrases and question/answer posing felt a little too "in the classroom" to me...I didn't feel like she was speaking down to me, necessarily, but it made me twitch just a bit.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book: I learned a lot, it empowered me to improve some areas of my sexuality that I've been unsatisfied with (and did that beyond platitudes, with actual, practical advice), and it made me realize the root of some of my core issues (not just as pertains to sex, but with my self-esteem, my self-definition as an adult woman, my relationship fears, etc). I guarantee you, even if you're 100% happy with your sexuality and body, you'll still get something out of this book. And while the tone is definitely specifically aimed at women, it's got a lot of info in there useful to men (in understanding their own biology, brain relationship to sexuality, etc).

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StarGladiator
Jun 05, 2015

The author presents a most lucid and cogent and scientific (should spell that: SCIENTIFIC) and successful argument as to why there will most likely NEVER be a Viagra for women, their unique sexuality is contextual and individual and considerably more sophisticated. The author presents this in a most learned fashion and it is even more important this moment as biopharmaceutical corporations are trying to market a // female Viagra \\ which previously they tried to market the very same drug as either a depressant or some other such remedy! Drug trials FAILED in Europe, and the percentage was so suspect in America - - consider them having failed here as well! [Book is really directed at the female audience, but men will find it interesting as well.]

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